||[Dec. 15th, 2004|04:55 am]
|||||awake and confused||]|
|||||The Beatles-Let it Be||]|
Well it's almost 5am...I can't fall asleep for the life of me. I watched a movie and have been laying here for the last three hours. I can't remember the last time I couldn't fall asleep. My days and nights are totally switched at this point. Especially since I wasn't feeling well the last two days I have slept like twelve hours during the day. Now I am wide awake at 5am. I was still able to fall asleep at night even when I slept all day, but this time is different. Part of the problem is that I can't stop thinking about certain things. Sure, I'm stressed. Who isn't? But it's stress over totally different things. I'm not the least bit stressed about finals. It's everything else in my life...I try to fall asleep and it all comes flooding into my head.
She is one of the things I can't get off my mind. I know it's so schoolgirlish...but I just keep thinking about her. I have never liked someone so much. Even if it never goes beyond friendship, I feel so lucky to have met her. All I can think about is spending time with her. And I know this is fucked up but I worry for her. I don't know her that well...maybe we're not even friends yet...but I worry about her and what she is going through. Ugh...maybe it's sick!
I am genuinely concerned...But I think sometimes I make issues such as hers ten times greater than they are in order to avoid my own issues...I seem to be a pro at it! I am so happy here...But I need this break to sort things out and make some important decisions. I just hope I can make the right decisions and not fuck up again.
Thank God for my friends...They are amazing people to begin with...But the fact that they put up with me makes them one hundred times more incredible.